TRADE OF THE CENTURY

Press Release - Feb 22, 2011

The Superdraft 20xx world was rocked this morning when news of the biggest trade in all of recorded hockey history broke at 8:30am mountain time. Rookie defenceman Ben Lovejoy has been moved by Superdraft GM Quagmire to All-Star Eagleson in a monumental seven-player deal that will be sure to monopolize water cooler talk for the rest of the season.

Coming from Quagmire are Ben Lovejoy (D), Eric Staal (F), Miko Koivu (F), and Keith Yandle (D). Moving from All-Star Eagleson are Alex Ovechkin (F), Tobias Enstrom (D), and Curtis Glencross (F). To make room for the bloated incoming contracts, GM Quagmire will also buy-out the contract of the injured Derick Brassard (F).

The 6'2", 215 lb defenceman, affectionately known as Gentle Ben by his legions of fans and as Loverboy by his team mates, was told of his fate by GM Quagmire early this morning. Reports indicate that there were many tears and awkwardly long hugs involved in the conversation. A teary eyed Quagmire was quoted shortly after their meeting; "I never thought this day would come, but it has... this organization has reluctantly come to the conclusion that... if you truly love someone you must set them free. Loverboy has some of the softest hands in the league. We will surely miss his backrubs.... er... back hands in our organization. But we must strive to look forward."

GM All-Star Eagleson, who has been stealthily shaping his organization into arguably the greatest Superdraft team in modern history, was in an understandably jubilant mood at his Calgary press conference. "We are very excited to welcome Ben into our organization. I've had my eye on Lovejoy since he put up that 9-goal season in the AHL. Some people will look at his 1 goal and 7 points this season and underestimate his abilities. However we have the foresight to see the future potential in this handsome young man and know that the sky is the limit! We've already discussed my desire for him to play as a forward next year. Get ready for records to be shattered! BWAHAHAHAHA!!" Once GM Eagleson's maniacal laughter had subsided he discussed the other players involved in the trade. "I can hardly believe we basically only had to give up that drunken Russian (Ovechkin) to get Lovejoy. I should get an award for this! I have no idea what Quagmire must have been smoking. The other guys were just thrown in to make the salary numbers work. I honestly don't even remember who they were, my accountant figured that part out."

When approached for comment, Alex Ovechkin sped away from reporters on his Segway scooter. Sources close to the star forward report that he was honoured to be involved in a trade for the future hall-of-famer Lovejoy and was more than happy to be distancing himself from GM Eagleson.

This trade is still pending Superdraft league approval.