Press Release - 17 Feb 2011NHL super-star extraordinaire, and modern day renaissance man, Alexander Ovechkin is reported to be on the Superdraft 20xx trading block.
Ovechkin's GM, All-Star Eagleson, was questioned over the star forward's status at a "charity event" in a downtown Calgary strip-club last night.
"Ovie is a bum!" Eagleson was quoted between lap dances. "I don't know what that commie-pinko-bastard's problem is this year but he is not producing. I blame him for single-handedly sinking our team from first to third in this years pool. Hell, even that hack Iffy is catching us! Go ahead, tell'em I said that! He probably won't understand you anyways... damn Russians."
Ovechkin's 22 goals and 36 assists, for a total of 58 points, puts him ninth in league standings. Somewhat below the expectations of fans going into the season.
When questioned whether he is ready to trade Ovechkin, Eagleson responded with "Does the Pope shit in the woods?" He was unavailable for further clarification.
Most analysts agree that his lower points totals this year are due to the poor play of his team in general and his weekend drinking binges with albino prostitutes.
He has been enrolled in the NHL's Grant Fuhr Substance Abuse Program and he is expected to return to his league-leading play next year.
All-Star Eagleson spokesmen suggest that trade offers be sent, with a bottle of Scotch, to rob.eagleson@gmail.com.
1 comment:
Less lazy than Creepy Gilmour, I guess.
Post a Comment