Friggin Update - A Season to Forget

Forgive me Wayner, for I have sinned. It has been 21 days since my last post.

In a not-so-unexpected move, the commissioner has finally agreed to approve Stadnicky's request to "please put a hold on the Pronger trade". Yes, I think that would be fair. I make the rules and the rest of you f*&%ers have to live with them.

I knew one week before the end, when Lucifer Stadnicky showed up at "666" points, that it wasn't going to finish pretty. Turns out I was right. Definitely can't blame the coach or GM on this one. The Iffy players just gave up. I'm gonna have to pull a K-Lowe next year and gut the team.

I've got all of the updates finished and uploaded to the resources page. I have included my full statistic spreadsheet in the "Important Files" column for those of you who may be gearing up for some extended off-season planning.

Thanks to Timmy for attempting to arrange the Playoff Draft. Trying to get this group together is like herding cats. Couldn't Uncle Gary have planned the start of playoffs to not coincide with Easter. It makes it hard to gamble. (Tocchet is not impressed.)

I have been working hard on my PhD in Hockey Poolology from uTSN. I will be presenting a series of papers over the coming months under the theme, "Putting the Anal in Analysis." (It's not what you think MILF.) Poster sessions will be completed for the following topics:

• Get Whacked (It's not what you think MILF): A new approach to collecting gambling debts.
• Mixing Hockey with Thermodynamics: What to do when the weekly results start to look like Vapour-Liquid Equilibrium Curves for binary hydrocarbon systems.
• Don't Fire the Coach: It's obvious that his players quit in the last two weeks.
• Don't Fire the GM: You need someone to blame.
• WTF?: When your shoes go missing after an Easter weekend hockey draft.
• Philadelphia Flyers: 32 years and counting.
• Dance With the One Who Brought You: Help, I traded my whole team away.
• Good Predictions gone Wild: Rationalizing the sources of error.
• Two Years Straight: It should have happened to a nicer guy.
• Raj Binder: An obvious replacement for Grapes.
• You're all Screwed: A new series of holdovers.
• Zero to Hero: Confessions of a former tanker.

Stay tuned for more details.

Also stay tuned for guest lectures by Professors FMJ, Leaker, Creepy, Broker, MILFy, Quagmire, Outlaws, Kernel, Stadnicky, Outlaws, Stumblin.

Iffy out.